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[Monday
July 9th, 2007
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mood |
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 sad |
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i'm bored and i feel like venting so here i go....so i'm concerned with my man issues right now, all everybody tells me and kim is that we have to not worry so much about how much our men are gone and that our time apart from each other will just make the heart grow founder yada yada yada, so newayz i guess thats how it is for kim and markus but i dunno if its so much the case with me and josh at least not on my part i guess i dunno, i dunno i dunno thats all that runs through my head i think i just have too much time on my hands to think is what it is, so let me let you know how this all started...first the day b4 i go to florida i had this big arguement with josh about how he never gets me anything when he goes out of town and he said that he doesn't get me anything cuz then he'd have to get everybody something which is dumb but whatever, so then he adds to arguement by saying something stupid and that hurt my feelings he brings up that markus buys kim stuff all the time because they're all "in love" so i say "what are you trying to say, that you don't like me?" and he says "i like you i just don't love you" ok so then i just change the subject and move on but now next...the second night i'm in florida someone texts me and wakes me up at 1:00 in the morning, and what do u know its fuckin joe! he texts me just tell me some bullshit about how he's sorry for the way things turned out between us and that he hopes i'm doing well and that i get whatever i strive for.....?????????what the hell is that, too little too late is what i think.....so ok now that i'm pissed about that i'm thinkin again and last night i had this really fucked up dream that I cheated on josh and when i was cheating on him i knew it was bad and that i shouldn't do it but i didn't care.....what the hell of all things you would think that i would have a dream that he cheated on me cuz thats more what i'm worried about but i guess in the back of my mind thats not how i really feel obviously, i guess i just feel like i'm gonna drift away or he's gonna drift away......wait wait i have something else to add to my ranting about this situation, so he has this friend thats a girl that he talks to ALL THE TIME, i'm serious i hang out with him just one afternoon and he'll get at least 3 calls from her just in that time span...??? i don't think its fair that he talks 2 her more than me (p.s from what i've heard she sounds like a little skanky you know what and i think she's like
18......) which worries me even more cuz its not even his intentions i'm worried about its HERS, thats where he gets all his BC info from too. I really wanna bring this up to him about what the deal is between them but i dunno how without sounding jealous and dumb. He never talks 2 me when he goes to espanola cuz is phone doesn't work out there but i wonder if still talks to her which seems highly possible, i mean he'll talk 2 her at night for a little while and then say "well have a good night i'll talk 2 you in the morning"...??? i mean he calls me most of the time once a day, if i'm lucky, at night a few times a week....what can i say?? I GUESS HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO ME
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